The Shawn Ting

Why I Wish I were the Millionaire Son of an Aristocrat - Reason No. 1

2011-07-03T13:33:00.005-04:00

1.37 am on a Monday morning according to my office computer clock and I'm still in the office, with the end nowhere in sight. No coffee places open except McDonald's, which serves the most disgusting coffee. I ran out of my last drop of spirits a few hours earlier - about a tea spoon of leftover Nikka Whisky, aged 12 years, that one of my associates left for me to try. The rest of the good stuff is in the associates' offices which are currently locked so I can't even steal in and nick a bit of it. Now I know why Jack Sparrow was so miffed when Elizabeth burned all the rum. And the company has blocked all internet radio, so the only music I have is a CD full of corny old love songs which I inherited.

Labour Day Celebrations

2011-05-02T17:00:00.001-04:00

Yesterday was the labour day public holiday, which meant I got to spend the day being a bum in the comfort of my home. Naturally, in order to fill my time and to commemorate the contribution of all the country’s labourers, I spent the day enriching myself ironically by watching Youtube videos of economists like Milton Friedman explain why we should not help low-income workers by instituting minimum wage. I also watched videos of Margaret Thatcher back in her heyday in the 80’s. I especially liked the part where she says, “You turn if you want to. The lady’s not for turning!” Of course such confidence is only inspiring when you’re right. Otherwise if you’re wrong most of the time it just becomes obstinate pig-headedness, like what Bush, Jr. carried around in loads.

Kinokuniya Membership

2011-05-01T20:00:00.001-04:00

As a result of recent mental stimulation, I have been inspired to transform myself into an intellectual. As a first step towards this goal, I procured today a Kinokuniya discount card, in order to purchase more books cheaply. My first purchase under this card is none other than "When He was Wicked" by Julia Quinn. Not very intellectual, I know, but at least it's a start. And a big man like me has lots of inertia. Baby steps.

Good Speakers

2011-05-01T03:06:00.002-04:00

I'm currently in the market for some good speakers. And by that I don't mean the Barack Obama kind. I mean the kind that sit on your desk and give you orgasmic aural pleasure.

About a week ago I decided that I'd had enough of listening to the wailings and scrapings coming forth from my laptop speakers, so I dusted off and reconnected the ten-year-old Altec Lansing speakers that came with my Dell desktop way back when. Hey presto they still work. But the situation is not completely satisfactory, especially since they don't have the highest fidelity (audiophile geek speak ftw!) and I'm used to the somewhat better sound produced by my ER-6is, which I would use on a permanent basis were it not for the fact that it's a major inconvenience having to roll up and squeeze the foam tips into my ear canals every time I want to put them on. For those of you who don't know what I'm talking about, the ER-6is are earphones that come with foam tips that you have to squeeze into your ears so that they block out external sound.

Unfortunately I'm not familiar with this area of pleasure goods (unlike some other kinds ^_^), and my audiophile friend informs me that good speakers in Singapore are likely to be (a) marked up in comparison to other countries and (b) in any case expensive in their own right to begin with. But hey, what else am I going to do with all my money right? It's not like I have the time to enjoy any of it properly these days other than by going out for a few minutes and plonking it down on whatever new toys I happen to see.

So I've been listening to the blues lately - yet another indication that I'm becoming well and truly ancient, although not as ancient as my grandmother who is quite frankly beginning to resemble a gargoyle. But I digress. The Blues are precisely the sort of thing that just a few years ago would have had me running in the opposite direction. I'm currently getting my aural fix from shoutcast radio (available at http://www.shoutcast.com). The best thing is that the stations are free, and there are no commercials. Perfect for listening to while I clean my toilet!

Damned Julia Quinn Spoilers

2011-04-30T13:45:00.004-04:00

I just finished reading the Julia Quinn novels that I recently borrowed, and I am pleased to say that I am now one step closer to becoming the perfect lover.

I like Julia Quinn's style of writing - she's not draggy like other romance writers, and her style of writing is ticklish, which leaves me grinning while I'm reading her stories, which is fine with me because I like to laugh. Unfortunately, my experience this time round was somewhat diminished by my unwitting discovery of one of the largest secrets in the Julia Quinn universe. For those of you who know what I'm talking about, I'm referring to the secret identity of Lady Whistledown, the mysterious gossip columnist who seems to know everything that happens in the London social scene. Alas, I googled the term "Colin Bridgerton" as I wanted to find out if I had yet read his love story (all the Bridgertons have their own book and there are eight of them so I can't exactly remember which ones I've read), and the preview of the second hit prominently stated "While we eventually discover in [AAA] that it is [XXX] who is the true Lady Whistledown...". I do hate it when my reading experiences are ruined by spoilers, and for those of you read Julia Quinn, you know that this is truly the motherload of spoilers.

On a brighter note, all the recent tales of lords and ladies finding love and getting married did put me in the mood for the royal wedding on Friday. I happened to catch a glimpse of the proceedings in the office where we recently installed some large TVs. What struck me most was how the ladies had such large hats! There was one who had a hat so big I half expected her to take it off and throw it like how Captain America throws his shield. And I thought you weren't supposed to wear hats in church. Also I know a lot of people are saying how Kate Middleton's gown was a hit, but is it just me or does it resemble a certain dress that Madonna made famous?

I'll leave you to draw your own comparisons.

讲华语好！

2011-04-26T12:03:00.002-04:00

哈咯各位读者，我最近在工作上花了很多时间研究中国法律。通过这次活动，我确认了一件事：那就是我的华语实在是狗屁不通。依我看来，这是一个令我很不满的情形，因为过不久中国就要成为世界强国了，而到那时候我们就得靠它吃饭。所以，不会讲华语实在不行。因此，我已下定决心练好一口流利的华语。希望通过不断的运作，我的华语会越来越好。那一些会讲华语的读者，你们不要笑我的华语不好，在等一年，看谁的华语比较好。

I Live Again!

2011-04-24T06:29:00.006-04:00

I have decided not to wait anymore for myself to finish blogging about all my Toronto adventures before moving on to other topics, because if I do that, this blog will never be updated ever again.

So I just came back from my first bike ride in what must be a year. My legs currently feel like lead and my back is aching. There is a very high chance I won't be able to walk around the office tomorrow, in which case I shall just have to wheel myself around on my chair and risk the ire of my boss. On the upside, this means that my metabolism will be back on the mend, and I shall once again be able to consume glorious food nonstop without fear of having to pay additional visits to my tailor this financial year.

For those of you unacquainted with my sartorial needs (yes, there are actually people acquainted with my sartorial needs), I have recently been experiencing trouble fitting into my pants, not least because I tailored these pants while still schooling and exercising regularly. So when asked by my tailor whether or not I wanted my pants fitting or slightly baggy, of course I said "FITTING!" The result is that now whenever I put on even the slightest bit of weight around my midriff, I have trouble zipping up my pants.

Indeed, I never knew how much I liked eating until recently. Prior to starting work, it had never occurred to me that it was possible to want to eat something and not have the appetite for it. In recent weeks I finally learnt what that feels like. I also learnt what it means to pant while walking upstairs, to pant while carrying a carton of A4 paper and to not have energy to squat down to load paper into the office photocopier. I know I've always said that I'm happy to learn new things, but I think when it comes to certain things, experiencing them just once is more than enough.

Today marks the last day of the long weekend (thankfully next week there is another). Sadly I failed in my bid to spend it productively. I did however procure two more Julia Quinn books from the rental bookstore. I do want to complain about the fact that it is costing me five dollars EACH to rent the damned things for two months. How does that even make sense when a new copy only costs fifteen dollars? If it weren't for the fact that I have no more storage space in my room, I wouldn't even consider renting them. Having said that, I'm rather excited to delve into them. They're both of the Bridgerton series, and one of them concerns the marriage of the Viscount Bridgerton himself, which is a story I've been wanting to read for some time now (yes girls you know which one I'm talking about don't you).

Oh yes and yesterday I attended my sister's Catholic baptism which was actually part of some Easter celebration. The entire thing went on for three hours which is really pushing it if you ask me. After all, the average attention span of an adult is twenty minutes. Of course, it's always nice to go down and support family members at such life-changing events, extreme boredom notwithstanding. Anyway here is a picture of the event which I shamelessly plagiarised from my brother's Facebook account:

I resist the urge to make a puerile joke about my sister being eaten by a giant clam.

Right, I'm off to shower and see if I can't get this place looking a bit less like a lazy bachelor's pad and more like a respectable home.

Valentine's Day Present

2009-02-13T23:59:00.001-05:00

Look what arrived at my door today!

Valentine's Day present from the dons.

don /dɒn; Sp., It. dɔn/
1. A sort of student helper on every floor who is probably paid a few quid by the residence to do paperwork and all sorts of other ad hoc chores. Also organises events and stuff.

I should probably pop my head into one of these get-togethers and see what the other residents are up to. Or at least slip 'em a thank you note or something. But I know I won't mwahahaha!

Japango Sushi 1.1

2009-02-13T16:00:00.001-05:00

I was out of ideas for lunch today so I decided to go back to Japango and try some of their cheaper stuff. What a big mistake.

I ordered a soft-shell crab appetiser and some tempura udon.

Soft-shell crab appetiser.

The soft-shell crab was OK, but only just. The tempura udon wasn't good at all. It tasted like the ones that come pre-packaged from supermarkets. I could barely swallow a few spoonfuls of it. And when I called for the bill the lady boss didn't even seem to realise that I'd left almost the whole bowl of udon uneaten. Suffice to say I shan't be going back anytime soon.

Melting Snow No. 2

2009-02-11T11:30:00.000-05:00

Remember this scene from some weeks ago?

This is what it looks like now:

And from different angles:

Melted snow that looks like it's been burnt to a crisp.

2009-02-10T11:59:00.002-05:00

Here is my timetable for this semester:

As you can see, Tuesdays are long days for me.

So after my Aboriginal Peoples class today I went to watch Slumdog Millionaire at some cheapo cinema. It cost me only $4. However, the cinema didn't smell too good. At least the projector worked. And the show wasn't too bad. I don't think it deserves to win the Oscar though.

And I found out that the Chinese restaurant down the street from my residence closes at 4.30 am! How convenient for obtaining food late at night. I wouldn't order the fried rice from there again though.

Japango Sushi

2009-02-09T16:00:00.001-05:00

For lunch, I decided to try this Japanese place located on the street that runs just behind my residence, which I'd heard serves some of the best sushi in Toronto.

The numerous accolades in the window.

I went in at about 3 pm and the staff were just about to sit down for some family lunch sort of thing. I felt a bit bad for interrupting their lunch but the lady boss told me to come in and sit down, and that the waitress would give me a soup.

The view of the counter from where I sat.

The seating area was really small. It probably seats slightly less than twenty people.

Before long the miso soup came. It tasted not bad, but it wasn't anything out of this world. I didn't bother to photograph it because it looked the same as standard miso soup.

I decided to order the "Sushi Dinner" which seemed to be their standard sushi platter type thing. It came with this salad thingy, which was also not bad but wasn't anything out of this world.

The salad thingy. Not sure what vegetables they used. It felt like some really thick and crunchy lettuce.

And finally there was the sushi itself, which I thought was good but also not out of this world.

Sorry about the serviette at the top. I know it's ugly but I can't be bothered to crop it out.

After that I was still hungry so I decided to order this tempura appetiser thing. I quite liked it, although I didn't think it was really fantastic or anything.

The overall verdict? Good, but not fantastic. I might come back here again if I have an immense craving for Japanese food, but probably not very often because it's quite expensive for what you're getting.

Total cost: Cad$30.49 including taxes (excluding tips).

If I remember correctly the sushi dinner was about $18+ and the appetiser was about $8+ (before taxes).

A Present from Home

2009-02-09T15:00:00.003-05:00

Look what arrived in the mail today! Well actually it arrived 8 days ago (or somewhere thereabouts). It was too large to fit in my mailbox so the front desk retained it and left a message on my voicemail informing me about it. However I hadn't been able to access my voicemail because since day 1 it had been keyed to the previous resident's password, which by the way was something I'd been complaining about since I first moved in. Finally they managed to catch me while I was in, so I went downstairs and received to my surprise...

... a brown box.

Ah, but what was inside the box? And who would spend S$23.85 to send me a package? Such exciting questions! And the answer was...

... I had absolutely no idea what this was.

I could tell it was some sort of Chinese snack - perhaps some sort of prune or other sweet thing covered in dough. The customs form on the box said "biscuits", but I'd never seen biscuits in the shape of little round things before. I wasn't sure if it had expired already given the lengthy period of time it must have taken to reach me. But there was a note!

Note containing standard form greeting.

Alas, the note didn't tell me what it was either, but it had NAMES! I was thus able to find out that these were pineapple tarts. I've never seen pineapple tarts that look like this before though. Shall eat them when I'm in the mood for slightly mashed up Chinese pastry.

Oh and I finally managed to get my voicemail fixed. So thank you "RACH, JO & CAITS", for making two good things happen today.

Toiletries Sale

2009-02-09T13:15:00.001-05:00

Over here I only ever buy toiletries when they are on sale. The Drug Mart has perpetual sales for different items which they rotate, so by the time I finish one thing, it's on sale again! Very convenient.

Today I bought:
2 boxes of tissues - $0.59 each
1 bottle of Pantene Shampoo - $3.99
2 tubes of Colgate toothpaste - $0.99 each
1 tube of Chapstick - $2.00
1 atas-looking Nature’s Gate body wash - $2.99 (usual price $12+!)

ALL ON SALE AND DEEPLY DISCOUNTED!!!

Total: Cad$12.14 before taxes, Cad$13.72 after taxes.

Gordon Ramsay Sighting

2009-02-09T13:00:00.001-05:00

After breakfast, it was off to the Indigo bookstore at Eaton Centre to catch a glimpse of foul-mouthed celebrity chef Gordon Ramsay, who was in town to promote his latest book. I thought there'd be no one there, but boy was I wrong. The place was packed with people! I could barely move inside the bookstore. The queue to get his autograph was endless, there were tons of people standing around with their cameras at the ready (and blocking my way), and there were even people buying whole stacks of his book to be autographed! Who would have thought that he'd actually have so many diehard fans in this place?

Bloody bunch of ne'er-do-wells... don't they have to work??

At 12.30 pm he appeared, making his grand entrance down the staircase to so much fanfare you'd have thought the Queen had just arrived.

Not the best of photo opportunities, unfortunately.

He got to work fairly quickly, opening with a really bad joke about how we'd had terrible weather the week before and how he'd come and made the sun come out.

My first ever paparazzi shots.

Groupies.

I didn't manage to get any better pictures of him because the place was just so packed that it was impossible to even get close to him. And I didn't get his autograph because I didn't want to pay Cad$40 for a book that I would never read. So that's my little celebrity sighting for the day.

Le Petit Dejeuner (No. 2)

2009-02-09T11:00:00.001-05:00

I decided to revisit Le Petit Dejeuner today for breakfast. (Click here to read about my first visit.) I had the Croque Madame this time, which was not as good as the eggs Benedict, but still pretty good.

I would like to acknowledge the valued contributor whose photo editing efforts resulted in the very pleasing picture above. If you wish to see the actual thing in all its glory (or lack thereof), click here.

Cost: Cad$10.95 before taxes.

Chinese Restaurants

2009-02-08T21:00:00.005-05:00

So lately I've been eating out quite a lot at the Chinese restaurants near my residence. Usually I go to the one just down the street, which is the one that my bank account manager recommended in her email. The food there is edible, although the lighting there (I don't know whether they're trying to create some sort of high-class mood lighting or whether they're just being cheap and trying to skimp on electricity bills) does not commend itself to photography.

Today after coming back from Niagara Falls I decided to try some place different so I walked around until I came upon "Spadina Garden", which is also not too far from my residence. It is not to be confused with "Garden", which is the restaurant I've been frequenting (above).

This place (Spadina Garden) touts itself as a "Szechuan cuisine" restaurant so I ordered some Szechuan thing that turned out to be way too spicy for me, even after I'd told them to make it less spicy. The people there were nice enough, but as for the food, well, you can see for yourself.

Green shit or brown shit... the agony of choice.

The food was definitely worse than that of Garden. At least it was bright enough to take photographs, although what consolation that is is a matter of some debate. Oh and the staff at this restaurant speak some strange alien tongue. I've never heard anything remotely like it before. This place has some rave reviews online (as do all the other Chinese restaurants around here) so I can only surmise that they were written by white people (no racist meaning intended) who've never tried real Chinese food before.

Niagara Falls - Part 7

2009-02-08T17:30:00.000-05:00

I'd originally planned to go on the "Journey Behind the Falls", which is this series of tunnels with observation decks and portals that allow you to see the Falls up close and from behind. However the ticket lady was kind enough to tell me that the portals were presently all frozen up so there was nothing to see, which put paid to that idea. Hurray for Canadian niceness. If this had been Singapore I would have paid a lot of money to see some frozen glass.

Local version of the Las Vegas strip.

And what exactly is the point of this sign?

Looks like they're trying to copy the Hollywood Walk of Fame as well.

My big nose train.

It came with a certificate!

Niagara Falls - Part 6

2009-02-08T16:30:00.000-05:00

Finally, I made it to the main tourist area.

The obligatory phallic tourist trap. Yes I know the picture's slanted, but while trying to fix it I discovered that it’s less than one degree off, so nothing I can do about it unless you want it to be slanted the other way. In any case it's not my fault because I was standing on a steep incline when I took this picture.

Horseshoe Falls

I thought it'd be bigger.

Some therapeutic waves.

Decided to make a quick detour to the North Pole while I was in the vicinity.

Some sort of frozen outcrop that pirates have to manoeuvre past to get to their hidden stronghold.

American Falls.

Bridal Veil Falls.

By the Niagara Parks Act, R.R.O. 1990, Reg. 829, s. 6(e), it is illegal to try and find the pot of gold at the end of this rainbow.

I wouldn't put it past these people to try though.

Rainbow bridge. Unfortunately I didn't have time to cross over to the US side like I'd originally planned. Didn't matter though; there's not much to see on the other side, especially in winter when everything is closed.

Niagara River channel. It's not my fault this shot is blur. The amount of spray near the Horseshoe Falls is ridiculous. I got completely drenched by the darned thing. But the main thing is that it caused my hair to get messed up so I wasn't as handsome as when I'd started out this morning, which I thought really subtracted from the aesthetic appeal (or lack thereof) of this place.

A tuft of grass.

Unglam Falls.

Looks like the Maid of the Mist has seen better days.

Longkang falls.

The obligatory picture with me in it. It’s not my fault my face is so dark. The sun was behind me so it was either me or the Falls.

Always good to start and end on the same note. Sorry it's a prick.

Niagara Falls - Part 5.1

2009-02-08T14:01:00.006-05:00

Addendum

Sorry, I forgot to add in the previous post: cost of the Fish and Chips was Cad$11.59 before taxes, Cad$13.10 with taxes.

Niagara Falls - Part 5

2009-02-08T14:00:00.000-05:00

Based on the timestamps on my photographs, it took me forty-five minutes(!) to get back to the train station, although it didn't seem that long at the time. Going back, I decided to avoid the treacherous terrain by walking along the edge of the road, and I have to say that I’m really impressed with the attitude of Canadian drivers. Every single one of them went out of their way to give me a wide berth, some of them even putting their vehicles well into the oncoming lane. If this had been Singapore, I would instead have been honked at, and possibly even splashed in mud or run over.

Adding to the list of stupid things I did today, there was one point at which I saw a pickup truck coming in my direction, and I decided to play safe and step onto the kerb. Why I did that I don’t know, seeing as how the driver was more than willing to keep a good distance from me, and the kerb was covered in more than one foot of melting snow. Needless to say the moment I stepped on it, my entire leg sank right in. So there I stood like a fool with one foot on the road and one leg deep inside melting snow while the pickup drove past. I hope the driver didn’t think I was too big a retard.

Finally I got back to the train station, which is next to the bus terminal. This was the scene just outside the train station which had greeted me this morning. It was like an abandoned town from a Western film with boarded up windows and the lot. There wasn’t a soul in sight other than in the bus terminal and the train station.

Alas, just as I was reaching the bus stop, I saw the bus go past. I don’t know about other days, but on Sundays the bus comes once every half an hour. What follows next is the stupidest and most embarrassing series of events ever to occur in my life, and I’m only ever going to tell it this once and never again will I ever talk about.

I’d done some research on places to have lunch, and there was this restaurant – Betty’s – that lots of people recommended. It was supposed to be famous for really good fish and chips. I’d looked at the menu online, and it looked pretty affordable. The alternative would have been to eat at some crappy fast food joint or an expensive and crappy tourist trap, neither of which particularly appealed to me.

Now I didn’t fancy waiting half an hour for the bus, seeing as how I’d already wasted so much time walking around the Whirlpool, plus I had a train to catch at 5.45 pm. So I saw a taxi waiting nearby and decided what the heck, I’ll just spend a bit more and save some time. After all, the restaurant didn’t look that far away on the map. But the moment the driver started his taxi, I got the fright of my life as the meter sprang to life and started running at a phenomenal rate. There’s also the bit about the driver risking life and limb to shave measly seconds off the ride time but that wasn’t really my concern at the time. It just hadn’t occurred to me that taxi rides in Niagara Falls cost so much! Also the taxi that I’d simply gotten into without thinking was one of those MPV things. I don’t know if that made it more expensive, but I just hadn’t thought of that possibility before I got in! When we arrived, the cost was around Cad$27!!! For a short ride of just a few minutes!

[After doing some research, I’ve ascertained that that was the normal rate, because it costs about Cad$10-$15 to go from the train station to the main tourist area at the Falls, and that was approximately the figure that was shown on the meter as we went past the Falls.]

So then I thought never mind, because at least I’d be having good food for lunch. I stepped into the restaurant, and it was like I’d just gone back to the 1970s. The place was teeming with baby boomers, from the waitresses to the clientele, and it was as if they hadn’t stepped out of the place in forty years. As I walked past one elderly gentleman whom I swear would have fit perfectly into a street scene from the 70s, he said to me, “Best food in Niagara Falls!”

Now don’t get me wrong, I actually thought the place was quite charming. The guy in the previous paragraph wasn’t crazy or anything, he just being a nice elderly gentleman. I thought it was pretty cool for me, this young solitary Chinese guy, to be eating amongst this group of elderly people who had managed to preserve their culture from years gone by in this little time bubble. It felt like I was in a movie scene. The only thing missing was a red and white chequered tablecloth. And everybody was really nice too, including my waitress, which makes me feel bad for having to say that the food wasn’t good at all.

Some salad thing that preceded the main course.

The really famous fish and chips (I’m serious, go search online). I tried to make it look as flattering as possible, but there wasn’t that much I could do given the way it was presented.

So the food just wasn’t good at all. Nothing much I can add to that. The fish was tasteless and everything (the fries, the sauce, the salad) just felt really cheap and prepackaged. The service was good though, friendly and sincere.

Betty’s, a hit with the locals. I wouldn’t recommend it to tourists though. You’re probably better off just eating at McDonald’s.

So then I walked to the bus stop, passing some local houses on the way. They look like little HDB flats, just that because this isn’t land scarce Singapore, they’re not stacked on top of one another.

Adding to my list of screw-ups today, I then proceeded to miss my stop and because there isn’t another bus going the opposite way that you can take, I had to remain on the same bus while it slowly wound its way around the City of Niagara Falls passing absolutely nothing of interest on the way, until it came back to the main tourist area.

Niagara Falls - Part 4

2009-02-08T12:00:00.001-05:00

Some local vegetation:

I’m afraid you won’t see anything unless you enlarge these. I’m particularly fond of the leaves in the first picture - all four of them.

Niagara River Gorge. Can you spot the leaves in this picture?

Yes I know it’s the Whirlpool again but this time there’re two trees... and some grass!

Spring cometh, and all the shit doth appear.

So while standing at the place where I took all the pictures of the Whirlpool in the previous post, I saw lots of vehicles going past on the far side. Hence, I figured, the road must lead all the way around the Whirlpool. It didn’t look that big to me, so I decided to walk all the way around the edge until I reached the other side to see if there was a good view. What a stupid decision. The melting snow and ice was even thicker and more treacherous than on the way to the Whirlpool, this part of the path clearly not having been used since cavemen roamed these parts. There was no way of knowing how brittle the melting snow was and how far I would sink when I stepped on it. I had a helluva time trying to plot the best course every two metres and trying not to slip on the ice and plunge into the swirling waters below. As I got further and further away from civilisation I wondered more and more whether I should turn around, but I thought that since I’d already made it so far, I might as well go all the way to the end.

Alas, this was about all that I saw on the way - lots of shrubbery...

... and certainly no cut stone markers, unless these were it.

Nothing much to see this far away from the tourist area.

This was the condition of the damn pedestrian footpath. Yes I know you don’t see it - neither did I! Those depressions you see in the snow are the footprints of myself and other people stupid enough to come this way.

Yes I know there’s absolutely nothing to see in these pictures, even if you enlarge them. But I went through so much shit to come this far that I had to take pictures of something. This is as far as I made it before I decided that the snow was getting too thick to negotiate any further, and this detour was taking too long. So sadly I had to turn back with nothing to show for my half an hour’s trudge.

Niagara Falls - Part 3 - Whirlpool

2009-02-08T11:00:00.004-05:00

I decided to make my way to the Whirlpool first, since it’s within walking distance from the train station and in the opposite direction from the Falls. On my way I came across this souvenir shop which was the only thing that was open. Why they decided to open is a mystery to me, because they clearly weren’t making any money – I was the only person in there apart from two others. And I sure as hell didn’t buy anything.

I’m not sure whether the pile of stones was supposed to be some sort of artistic man or just a random thing.

The best thing they had was this bear.

The way to the whirlpool was fraught with... alas, I wish I could amplify my manhood and intrepidness by saying “danger”, but the strongest word I can honestly put forward is “inconvenience”. But I’ll have you know I was pretty darned inconvenienced for the second time in a day. The pavements (sidewalks, for the Americans) were covered in melting snow and ice. And if there's one thing that’s harder to walk on than snow and ice, it’s melting snow and ice. Melting snow is a brittle mess that collapses whenever you exert pressure on it, so your whole foot sinks one foot (pardon the pun) into whatever lurks beneath (I don’t even want to speculate). And if you try to step on melting ice it just cracks and your whole foot sinks into the cold water below. Thankfully my trusty Timberlands – loafers, of all things(!) – were still holding up well in the waterproof department and kept my feet dry.

I took these pictures from the same spot facing opposite directions.

Finally, after what I would have you believe was an eternity but was really just a few minutes, I came to the famous whirlpool:

Well it looks marginally more impressive in real life.

WARNING! Very loud wind noise! Turn down your speakers first!

The Whirlpool “Aero Car” ride, closed for the winter.

The other end of the ride (top left of the picture). I sincerely hope there’s something really good there for people to be risking their lives year after year riding in this rickety thing high above a whirlpool.

Whitewater rapids.

Whirlpool exit (for water, not humans).

You have to look really hard to see the minuscule swirling going on.

Initiation of giant space-based solar death ray to melt the ice.

Niagara Falls - Part 2

2009-02-08T10:30:00.001-05:00

My first view of the Honeymoon Capital of the World:

Took this picture from the train as it pulled into the station. A bit bleak and not very promising.

Anyway, as you can see, I like trains, which is why I chose to take the train to Niagara Falls, even though the train station is for some unfathomable reason miles away from the city centre and the falls.

My train resting at the station. It's the one in the foreground. The one in the background is somebody else's train which is not as nice.

All lined up and ready to go.

Unfortunately, not as powerful as the Man of Steel.

Most ugly train station in the world.

The Maple Leaf crossing the border to the US.

The Whirlpool Rapids Bridge, which badly needs repairs that nobody wants to pay for. And that's not a joke.

Niagara Falls - Part 1

2009-02-08T08:30:00.005-05:00

Today I went to see the Niagara Falls (or as my "best" friend used to call it - I don't know if he still does - the Viagara Falls). I happily woke up right on schedule, left my residence, and made my way to the subway station.

I think I must have been either on drugs or possessed by the spirit of Paris Hilton (i.e. stupid, if you didn't get the reference), because I decided to take an unfamiliar route which I thought would be a shortcut. It turned out to be lined with melting snow and ice, and there was a part of the path that was covered in ice and a puddle. Knowing there would be zero friction, I nonetheless elected to step on the melting ice and was promptly delivered unto the puddle, and so I got one wet shoe and sock and jeans’ leg, bright and early in the morning.

Then I came to the subway station. And the door was locked! “Which idiot locked this entrance,” I thought to myself. So I walked all the way to the other end of the station and that was locked too! There I was wondering what the hell was going on, when I read the sign that said that the first train on Sunday morning was at 9 AM!!! WHAT THE HELL!?? What kind of lazy ass public transport starts at nine in the morning!? How is the citizenry supposed to get around???

So I had to walk all the way to Union Station (the regional train station). Fortunately, staying downtown means that it’s only a few minutes away. I will have you know however that I was GREATLY INCONVENIENCED and NOT HAPPY.

Following from yesterday's post about the high temperatures, this is what melting snow looks like: a turd that's been burnt to a dried-out crisp.

When I got to Union Station, I met a very nice security guard who took the initiative to ask me if I needed directions. So I found out from him a list of all the places nearby where I could grab something for breakfast. I ended buying a lot of McDonald's products. I am definitely going to die young.

And here is the Maple Leaf, the train that runs all the way from Toronto to New York, passing Niagara Falls on the way:

The legroom is enormous! For once my knees were not pressed against the seat in front of me.

My obligatory trying-to-be-artistic nostalgic shot of leaving Toronto with completely fortuitous colour effect that I don't know how to describe.

Frozen Lake Ontario.

Noise Pollution

2009-02-07T21:00:00.003-05:00

I have finally discovered the source of the loud and awful music that has been keeping me up at night. A bunch of hooligans has descended upon Nathan Phillips Square right next to my residence and is causing enormous noise pollution by means of its shriekings and wailings deep into the night! You'd think that with City Hall right next to these louts, the authorities would do something to eject them from the premises. But no, public order and discipline have given way to poor taste and the degeneration of civilised society! A plague upon these pests!

Damn punks.

Below you can hear for yourself the kind of cacophony they've been producing for days. In the first video you can see some mindless zombies worshipping the principal culprits, those morons. In the second video you can see an uncivilised asshole shaking his head in a drug-induced way.

In other news, I did get a free copy of the Toronto Star (which is the main newspaper here) from a booth that was part of this iniquitous gathering.

Melting Snow

2009-02-07T20:00:00.005-05:00

Today the temperature in Toronto reached 8 degrees Celsius. That's like some serious global warming shit. Apparently the previous record high for 7 Feb was 5.7 degrees Celsius, set back in 1990.

Because of the high temperatures, a lot of the snow, at least in the downtown area, has melted. And all the junk and shit and dirt that people have been throwing into the snow banks are slowly revealing themselves. This is what most of Toronto looks like now:

Spring cometh, and all the shit doth appear.

And believe me, it looks worse in real life than it does in this picture.

Smoke's Poutinerie No. 2

2009-02-05T17:00:00.002-05:00

I didn't know what else to eat today so I went back to Smoke's Poutinerie for more deep-fried calories in large quantities; I'm now well on my way to an early death and some really bad skin.

I ordered the "pulled pork", which is apparently their bestseller alongside the "traditional" (see my first review below). It was not too bad, however I prefer the traditional. The pulled pork tasted quite sweet, which I thought didn't go very well with the rest of the dish. (I just did a search on Google and there are a number of reviews that agree that the pulled pork is too sweet. And just so you know I arrived at my opinion independently.) I'll probably not get this variation again. Will stick to the traditional next time.

Unhealthy...

Cost: Cad$8.95 before taxes, Cad$10.12 with taxes.

Holt's Cafe

2009-02-04T17:00:00.001-05:00

Today I decided to visit Holt's Cafe to try the (supposedly) famous tartine which is made from the (really) famous Poilane bread that they fly in from France thrice weekly. The cafe is tucked away in one corner upstairs in the Bloor Street store of Holt Renfrew, which is a chain of department stores in Canada that sells all manner of atas things.

These are the photos I managed to get before one of the waiters told me that photos weren't allowed in the restaurant. It probably wouldn't do for an atas place to have some weird lanky guy running around taking pictures and disturbing the other patrons. Anyway I don't think I do them any injustice by representing the place as such:

The decor was trendy enough.

The corner table is where I sat. You can see my gloves on the table.

The view in the other direction from where I sat.

My tartine came with a salad, which came with three really atas-sounding condiments whose names I didn't catch. They came in the three little containers below with an atas wooden spoon.

I didn't really like the salad, but to be fair I'm not a salad person. It had one of those really sour dressings which is for diehard salad eaters only and not people like me who like to eat unhealthy food by the boatload. I didn't really like the atas condiments either. They tasted like raw plants and minerals that had just been harvested from the earth. You probably have to be really atas and snooty to enjoy this kind of thing.

The tartine.

I ordered the "brunch" tartine, even though though it was 5 pm. Apparently that's their bestseller. It comes with soft poached eggs, smoked salmon, mushrooms, oven-roasted tomatoes, and fresh basil. And of course all that came on top of the famous Poilane bread, which I thought was the only good part of the dish. I could probably eat it all day raw. The rest of the ingredients didn't really do anything for me - just a bunch of tastes swirling around in my mouth that didn't come together very well. Overall it wasn't really very tasty. The eggs Benedict I had a couple of days ago was much better.

Cost: Cad$18 before taxes, Cad$20.34 after taxes.

Smoke's Poutinerie

2009-02-02T13:00:00.001-05:00

Second food review of the day! This time to Smoke's Poutinerie, which is listed on blogTO's Best New Cheap Eats in Toronto 2008. Unfortunately in Toronto there is no real cheap food and their idea of cheap food is like Cad$5+ before taxes and tips.

I ordered the "traditional", which is the basic poutine dish without any of the fancy add-ons that cost a bomb and are not cheap to eat at all.

It was not bad, definitely better than that New York Fries poutine that I had the last time. However as is quite clear from the picture this dish is EXTREMELY hazardous to health and combined with the eggs Benedict I had earlier has put me on the road to a near-certain coronary. (You can't quite see from the picture but this box of junk food is HUGE.) Also I thought there was something off about the gravy owing to the fact that they use combined chicken and beef stock. I don't know why they do that. I think it would taste better if they used 100% beef stock which is supposedly the REAL traditional way of making it.

Cost: Cad$5.95 before taxes, Cad$6.73 with taxes.

Le Petit Dejeuner

2009-02-02T12:00:00.004-05:00

This is Le Petit Dejeuner, a quaint little cafe in downtown Toronto with an unassuming storefront.

And here are its credentials:

Some shots of the interior:

Quaint and unassuming, just like the outside.

What brings me here on a wintry Monday morning? Why, the eggs Benedict that's been voted the best in Toronto on blogTO!

The verdict? Absolutely delicious! This is the first good thing I've had since I arrived in Toronto. The rosti on the side is also really good. And so is the apple salad thing. Yum! I'll most certainly be back.

The coffee may not look like much, but it's really quite good!

Cost: Cad$12.95 for the eggs Benedict; coffee is Cad$2 (all prices before taxes and tips).

Streetcar Accident

2009-02-02T10:00:00.002-05:00

I'd always wondered what would happen if those streetcars (which is what they call the trams here) that run on rails in the middle of the road meet with an accident. Today I finally found out: traffic jam!

The protagonists.

See how they get things moving again - by staring at the truck.

And just what is this minuscule tow truck supposed to do?

Maybe more eye power will get things moving again.

Some random glass building I saw while waiting for things to get moving again so I could get on my streetcar.

Here you can see the damage clearly. So much disruption just for this!? You people need to get on the BUS so you can just park on one side of the road while you exchange particulars instead of waiting for goodness knows what to happen while commuters like me have to wait in the freezing cold.

Still waiting for my streetcar... some random church I saw.

There's my streetcar(s)! And it's not moving! Even the "Chief Supervisor" is here!!?? All this just for a little knock!?

Finally I gave up waiting and decided to take the subway closer to where I wanted to go and then walk.

Ad placement fail.

Just as I got out of the subway station those two streetcars in the last picture arrived. The crowd waiting for the streetcar at the subway station was huge and you could see they'd been waiting for a really long time without knowing what had happened up the road. So anyway I was able to take the streetcar all of one stop to my destination. Rotten eggs!

Mini Ralph Laurens

2009-02-01T22:30:00.000-05:00

I am happy to report that the Ralph Laurens that shrunk after I threw them in the dryer have more or less expanded back to their original size. Although I don't know why one of them seems to have expanded to a ginormous size.

CN Tower

2009-01-31T16:00:00.000-05:00

I really like how my days stink, because it just proves that I’m right about life. So I’d been waiting for a clear day to go up the CN Tower, and today it was finally sunny and clear. But the moment I stepped out of my residence it started snowing. Of course I wasn’t surprised at all, for such is the nature of life – shit doesn’t just happen, it always happens.

Some shots on the way there:

The view from the top:

Through the glass floor.

The best part about CN Tower:

On the way back:

Totally needless shot of Union Station.

As you can see my pictures today turned out not very nice at all and I blame everyone but myself.

New York Fries Re-review

2009-01-30T18:00:00.000-05:00

Remember the cheese fries à la tasteless I had a while back? Well I said I’d give the perpetrators a second chance – I don’t know why though; my usual policy is to terminate ALL incompetent people with EXTREME PREJUDICE – and today I was feeling hungry after getting back from the zoo, so I decided to stop by their other branch in Eaton Centre for the poutine that they’re better known for.

Conclusion: The fries were the same as the ones I had the other day so that was no aberration. However they do go much better with gravy and cheese curds than with the sad-looking piles of dung they heap on top of “the works”. Overall quite edible if you’re into junk food but not something I would pay Cad$5 for again.

Toronto Zoo - Part 11

2009-01-30T16:30:00.000-05:00

Phew... I didn't realise how many pictures I'd taken in the zoo, and I'm getting quite tired of posting them now. Fortunately I'm coming to the end.

Anyway this slimy thing is the Canadian Otter, which wouldn't stay still long enough for me to take a photo.

The next few pictures are damn disgusting and may give you nightmares. Click on the links to view them at your own risk.

Giant Centipede
Brazilian Giant Cockroaches
Two Eastern lubber grasshoppers doing it.

Fat sandy lizards.

Ducks!!!

They look like they're discussing what to do about the lanky guy whose camera keeps going off in their faces.

Pampered little brat... it looks like it would die if a leaf landed on it.

Ugly bird that thinks it's damn good-looking. Gave me a fright when it took off suddenly; I didn't think that such a humongous thing could fly.

Yet another fat thing just lying there!!! I can't stand it! Why is everything here so darned lazy?!!

Mean-looking things.

A coy kangaroo.

Happy tiger.

And here are some jellyfish:

And before you complain that I ruined the serenity of the video by moving away from the first jellyfish, let me just say that I would have liked to follow it, but it was moving to the bottom of the tank where it was pitch dark.

And finally, on the way out:

This will be the only act-cute photograph I take in my life. Ever.

Ending the way I began.

And... I'm finally done!!! That's it for the Toronto zoo. I really enjoyed my visit even though I was freezing half the time and my fingers nearly fell off taking all these pictures.

Toronto Zoo - Part 10

2009-01-30T15:30:00.000-05:00

And now, on to the "Canadian Domain", which is a fancy way of describing some land covered in heaps of snow containing animals that they caught from their backyard. Because the zoomobile (fancy name for tram) wasn't running today, I had to walk damn far to the place. And because the whole place was deserted and there was a marked LACK OF SIGNAGE I didn't even know whether I was on the right track and whether the exhibits would be open. Fortunately after walking for ages I saw some animals.

Scenery break!

Yes I know it's not much. What did you expect - a golden palace with slaves to worship you when you arrive?

And here are the damned things I walked all the way to the North Pole to see:

These are either elk or giant stalking arseholes.

Grizzly bear exhibit. Damn lazy things. How the hell can anything sleep for months?!!

Bald eagle again. As you can see it is a bit fat. This is because it is a disabled bald eagle that was rescued by the zoo (or so the sign claims). Personally I think it's just too lazy to exercise.

Arctic wolves!

This wolf was sexually assaulted while I was there, which caused all the other wolves to stop what they were doing and gawk. Unfortunately I didn't manage to capture the scene in time.

Rapist on his way to do the deed.

Tribal sentencing circle.

This wolf looks like it's got exotic middle-eastern eyes but it's actually a strategically placed leaf.

Th..they're a...a...alive!!!

The grim reaper of wood bison.

An unhappy pussy.

Good-for-nothing musk ox that needs a shave.

More random scenery:

Snow being carried away by the wind.

Random trees with trying-to-be-artistic shadows in the foreground.

Toronto Zoo - Part 9

2009-01-30T14:30:00.005-05:00

Crocodile with evil glint in eye and thyroid problem.

Ugly African relics. (What are they doing here?)

Bird with funny name.

A fair and accurate depiction of every outdoor exhibit.

Yeah right.

Of all the really crappy ways to die...

Today's lone duty cheetah.

Snow-dispensing machines.

Hyenas napping on the job.

Toronto Zoo - Part 8

2009-01-30T13:45:00.000-05:00

Moving on to the African section...

This pretty much sums up my world.

Automated anti-intruder system.

Remains of would-be burglar.

Every darned thing was closed dammit!

I wanted to see the elephants dammit! Gimme my elephants!!! And how the hell did they manage to hide a herd of elephants anyway?!

I hadn't realised that today was an African holiday.

This isn't just any ordinary nile monitor; it's a supremely atas ornate nile monitor which will become stressed if it isn't eating from a tube.

What atas ornate nile monitors do when they feel stressed - dig holes and lie there.

These giant slugs were the second laziest thing of my visit.

Ugliest bird in the world.

Veiled chameleon... yeah right. Do you see a chameleon in there? Cos I sure as hell don't. And I looked REALLY LONG. I bet there's actually nothing in there but plants, and if you tell them that they'll just tell you that you need to look harder. What a convenient excuse.

Bird with same hairstyle as me.

Overcrowding of fish.

Damn savanna ain't what it used to be.

Toronto Zoo - Part 7

2009-01-30T13:02:00.002-05:00

Some weird-looking multi coloured relative of Sebastian's.

What passes for home these days.

Bored tiger.

Methinks this one's dead.

Oh well, what else is there to do when the missus has a headache.

If I remember correctly (and there's a high chance I don't), these things are called "Gaur" and they're the most pungent things in the entire zoo. I think they must have been rendered semi-conscious by their own smell. They didn't even bother turning their heads when I came in. Nor did they make any protest when my flash kept going off in their faces.

Toronto Zoo - Part 6

2009-01-30T13:01:00.001-05:00

Granddad doesn't seem too happy to see me.

I happened to pass by the orang utan enclosure during feeding time. The zoo has taught them well. They have been completely corrupted by human ways.

The mom and child were quite cute. After they'd gotten their food the child was holding on the mom's side while they walked away to some corner to eat. Too bad I missed that part.

They've progressed to the point where they don't even need us to destroy their habitats for them anymore.

Toronto Zoo - Part 5

2009-01-30T13:00:00.000-05:00

And now to the Indo-Malayan Pavilion.

It's Ah Meng!!!

Don't feed the animals...

... let them feed themselves!

So close to being named the "horny turtle".

That's certainly one way of saying "all our animals died and we need to get some more".

Seriously, what is wrong with all these turtles!? This one looks like it's trying to eat its friend without realising that it itself is on what looks very much like a dinner plate.

Toronto Zoo - Part 4

2009-01-30T12:31:00.005-05:00

On to the "Malayan Woods Pavilion", which houses the following wonders...

Where is my forest giant!? I have been cheated!!!

Red-tailed Green Ratsnake...... this thing's name is longer than its body. NSmen might recall seeing this little critter while running around in the jungle.

This poor fella looks really bored and lonely too.

Toronto Zoo - Part 3

2009-01-30T12:30:00.001-05:00

And now, my favourite animal of the whole visit, the rhino!

Check out its armour-plated butt. I love how it has a slot just for its tail.

This is the rhino investigating its own shit.

Angry rhino!

Click here to see a picture of the rhino doing some business. It's damn disgusting. You have been warned!

Unfortunately I think the rhino was very bored on the day of my visit. But who can blame it - its enclosure is so small and it has no friends to play with. It kept banging on the door that led outside. But it seemed a bit happier after it had had a little shit and was chewing on its grass.

This is the rhino pacing around.

This is the rhino being bored and lonely.

This is the rhino chewing its grass. Look at its mandibles!

These were all that the rhino had in the way of company. Unfortunately they did not seem to be much in the way of conversation.

The rhino's next-door neighbour was the Malaysian Tapir. However there was a wall separating the two of them so they couldn't even see each other.

This Malaysian Tapir was easily the laziest animal of my visit. I spent over twenty minutes watching the rhino and in all that time not once did it (the tapir) move.

Toronto Zoo - Part 2

2009-01-30T12:01:00.001-05:00

Now inside the Toronto Zoo, this most warm and inviting of tourist attractions:

Very quickly, one realises that everything is closed:

The first animal I saw was this very fat-and-unfit-looking not-bald-at-all bald eagle:

Stuck up little &@#$%^... just cos it's the national bird of some country it thinks it's the king of the world.

Toronto Zoo - Part 1

2009-01-30T12:00:00.002-05:00

Today I went to the zoo zoo zoo, you can come too too too (actually no you can't unless you're absolutely friggin' crazy and willing to spend shitloads of money to fly here and get your ass frozen). To get there, I had to take a train to the end of the line, AND a bus to its last stop. Talk about being far from civilisation...

I very quickly realised two things about being in no man's land. First, it gets rock bottom shit solid cold. Nothing in the city even remotely comes close. Second, the place is full of punks and criminals up to their necks in arrest warrants. They're all dressed in that typical ridiculously hideous gangsta style getup that they euphemistically call "hip hop fashion", but which in reality is just sloppy and retarded. Why on earth would you want to pay perfectly good money for oversized pants and hang them around your thighs so that your briefs are showing? There is something very wrong with these people. And all day long they just loiter around the trains and bus terminals without any sense of purpose in life whatsoever except to threaten you with violence if you "mess with them" or if you're "crossin' on their turf". Damn louts.

So anyway, this is the sight that greeted me just after I alighted from the bus:

And to all those of you who keep complaining that my photos have nobody in them, I'm sorry, but I couldn't have included anyone in these even if I had wanted to, because there was just absolutely nobody in the vicinity. Yes, I was the only one crazy enough to make the trip out into the middle of nowhere on a freezing Friday morning.

The bus that dropped me off, with very nice bus driver inside.

Water under the bridge (I'm quite pleased with myself for coming up with that one, so laugh, or else).

And now, for all you people lovers out there, the grand entrance of Toronto Zoo... with PERSON!!! Sorry I couldn't do better, this zoo employee was really the only person I saw before I entered the zoo.

Thursday Snowstorm

2009-01-29T17:00:00.001-05:00

Did I say the snow was bad yesterday? Well it seems like I keep discovering new lows here in the City of Toronto, because today it was a FREAKING BLIZZARD!!! I'm sorry you have to watch it through a pane of glass but I wasn't about to risk drowning in snow for a lousy video.

The World's Biggest Bookstore...

2009-01-28T18:00:00.000-05:00

... is also not the world's biggest bookstore. If you can't figure that out, your intelligence is below the minimum level required to read this blog. Go kill yourself and/or blame your parents for giving you lousy genes.

This place is filled with cheap stuff like $2 books and $8 CDs etc.

I have also purchased this evening... a webcam! Now the information superhighway shall know the incredible beauty that is my face!

Hockey Hall of Fame - Part 2

2009-01-28T16:01:00.006-05:00

Exhibits!

Some guy's really ancient lo-tech stick and shoes.

This is apparently some belly pad of great importance. All I know is it looks like a giant smiley face.

The Phantom of the Opera played hockey in his spare time... who knew?

The reason why our natural resources are vanishing.

The best thing they have.

Implements of torture to be used on underperforming players.

I can think of several uses for this thing but I'm pretty sure Singapore has a law against public indecency so you're on your own.

More old shoes.

Baseball Hall of Fame exhibit that got mixed up in the last shipment.

Prototype trophies for when all the metal in the world has been used up to build hockey trophies.

The Stanley Cup - not as useful as the cup that holds my coffee but that doesn't stop lots of people from wanting it. Go figure.

Hockey Hall of Fame - Part 1

2009-01-28T16:00:00.000-05:00

Here is the Hockey Hall of Fame's subterranean entrance...

... complete with overpriced souvenir shop.

Inside is essentially a bunch of memorabilia that was about as interesting to me as the plot in a porno movie.

Hockey Hall of Fame - Part 0

2009-01-28T15:10:00.000-05:00

Today I decided to visit the Hockey Hall of Fame, since the ticket was included in the City Pass I bought. A couple of interesting things I saw along the way:

This thing caught my eye but I have no idea what it is so I'm attaching the address so you can go find out for yourself because I'm just too lazy to do it.

They even managed to fit some antique building under this huge canopy. There's a plaque explaining what it is but I'm too lazy to read it so I just took a photo of it for those of you who are interested.

If you actually read that, you have my pity.

DAMN SNOW!!!!!!

2009-01-28T15:00:00.001-05:00

I have a good mind to make myself a pair of boots with heating coils on the soles that will melt the snow wherever I go. If it snows like it did today again I'm going to have to purchase a set of skis just to get around.

Sorry 007, looks like cars in Toronto were turning into boats long before any spy loved you.

Believe me, it WAS a lot worse than it looks. Enlarge the photos to see for yourself.

And for anyone who cares, the carpark next to my residence. It almost looks like a pencil sketch or a set of toy cars. (View from the 27th floor of my residence.)

How to Unclog a Toilet

2009-01-27T14:00:00.003-05:00

Yesterday I shat for the first time in two days. It was the longest straightest thickest stool I had ever seen. It came out in one piece and stretched straight down the drainage. I was feeling very pleased with myself until I flushed... and realised that the toilet was choked! "Shit," I thought (pardon the pun), for I don't have a plunger here with me.

Being the genius I am, the first thing I did was what everybody knows never works but does anyway - I flushed again! Luckily the water was still going down slowly so I wasn't left with an overflowing toilet. After a few more flushes (which of course didn't work) I tried to force the whole mess down by pouring a pail of water into the toilet quickly. After all, I have to put my $5 pail to good use right? Naturally that didn't work either.

Just as I was wondering what implement I was going to utilise to begin digging, I looked around my bathroom and saw... my bottles of Lysol and laundry detergent! I thought, "Why not?" I decided to try Lysol first since it's cheaper and way more useless. Now that I think about it, that latter quality should have led me to try laundry detergent first, but at the time I was thinking more along the lines of saving the better stuff for other uses. So I sprayed copious amounts of Lysol into the toilet bowl and went for dinner. Alas, I came back to find that it was still choked. It was then that I did an online search on unclogging toilets with detergent. And lo and behold, it's actually a common household remedy!

Thinking that success was sure to follow, I emptied two cups of laundry detergent into the toilet and let it stand for a while. Then I poured water from waist-height but that only served to agitate all the shit that was by now partly dissolved and in a fine suspension in the water. This led to a great shit smell in my bathroom which thankfully dissipated after some time. After several more attempts of pouring hot water using my stupendously exorbitant pail, I gave up and went to bed.

This afternoon on the way back from school I stopped by Canadian Tire and picked up the cheapest bottle of drain cleaner I could find. I think it was like $2 or something. Per the instructions I emptied half the bottle into the toilet. Then I went for lunch. When I came back I read the directions again and realised that they read "do not use with a plunger or in toilets". Oops.

So I went downstairs to the front desk and asked if I could borrow a plunger. The lady there said she would send someone up. For some reason the guy came up and knocked on someone else's door down the hall. Luckily I'd left my door open so I heard him and asked him to come in. He had a really badass professional-looking plunger. And he cleared my choke in less than five seconds.

That is how you unclog a toilet.

Second Reunion Dinner

2009-01-25T23:00:00.000-05:00

Reuniting with some more Singaporeans and people of various other nationalities whom I've just met:

Behold the scene in Woodsworth College, to which I applied to stay at before I came, but was rejected because over here law students are regarded as graduate students and they only accept undergraduates. And just so you know, it was like this before I arrived.

Casa Loma - Part 7

2009-01-25T17:00:00.003-05:00

I think it's actually faster to get to the stables and whatnot from the main building by walking above ground. It's just across the road for goodness' sake. Why on earth elephant-scrotum-wallet man would need a tunnel that makes a detour to the centre of the earth and a million other places before reaching his equines is beyond me. I also don't get why he stuck a fire station tower on top of his property. Was he trying to train his horses to leap from high places or something?

If ever a building could like a clown, this would be it.

Firefighting horses live within.
Also took some pictures of the surrounding neighbourhood:

I wonder if it's occurred to these people that they're risking certain death every time they enter their house.

These people look like they're doing pretty well. Maybe one day they'll own Casa Loma.

My very very last wistful-nostalgic-going-to-miss-this-place-shot. Promise.

Apparently this staircase has some history to it and all that nonsense but it was freezing and my hands were in serious danger of dropping off so I didn't stop to take a picture of the plaque. You're on your own for this one. All I can tell you is that it's at the end of Spadina Avenue.

Casa Loma - Part 6

2009-01-25T16:30:00.002-05:00

Coming back to earth now, this is the comparatively more modest servant's room. The leaflet I was given says that the Pellatts employed approximately 40 household servants. Where on earth they all went at night is a mystery to me, because this is the only bed I saw other than all the badass fancy ones which were obviously not for the servants.

And now, before leaving the main property, the obligatory trying-to-be-artistic-but-not-quite-succeeding I'm-going-to-miss-this-place shot:

Taken from the main staircase landing.

Also taken from the main staircase landing.
Now, because Mr Pellatt's (or Sir Henry's if you prefer) wallet was more capacious than an elephant's scrotum* at the time this place was built, he had an entirely separate building across the road built just to contain his stables and garage and hunting lodge and all the nonsense that rich people like to build but never use. Then, when the city refused to close the road that separates both properties, he had this 800-foot tunnel built to connect the two.

This is the start of the tunnel.
Below is the video I took walking back from the stables to the main building, should you be interested in watching two minutes' worth of nothing happening in a dark confined space.

The "potting shed", where the dude's gardeners worked hard to "propagate and maintain the large volume of plants on display throughout the estate" so that said dude could win "numerous awards for his orchids and chrysanthemums". Seriously, some people...

Nothing much to see in the garage I'm afraid, other than this giant phallic object. Actually in its current state it looks like some really cheap cafeteria. I dunno why they keep it like that.

Nothing much in the stables either, just a couple more trying-to-look-nostalgic shots. And yes, there really is that much snow everywhere.
* Credit where credit's due, I'm not the comic genius I pretend to be most of the time. I ripped this joke off Black Adder series 2 episode 5.

Casa Loma - Part 5

2009-01-25T15:31:00.000-05:00

And now, to the "Scottish Tower", which offers the highest view from the property. The way up is strangely unglamorous. I'm surprised the dude didn't build some sort of revolving marble staircase up.

You actually have to walk past the rafters to get there! I would have thought that unacceptable to a guy who has a "peacock alley" and a "smoking room" in his house. Maybe this is where he kept his prisoners. The metal staircase is actually smaller than it looks. I had to twist my body sideways to go up and down.
And just to ensure that his prisoners knew exactly what they were missing out on, the view from the top:

The other tower on the far side is called the "Norman Tower". Sorry about the blurriness. These pictures were taken through some very dirty glass. (Don't wanna let the prisoners get too comfy.)

Casa Loma - Part 4

2009-01-25T15:30:00.001-05:00

Lady Pellatt's "suite". They really do have such atas names for everything here.

This is the most complicated-looking shower I have ever seen. I mean seriously... what the hell is that!? And why are there so many knobs?

In comparison, the relatively more modest toilet. I seriously hope that's not the guy's original toilet with his 100-year-old shit still stuck inside.

The main staircase as seen from the second floor.

The "round room". Having come to expect atas-sounding names from every inch of this place, this room sounds almost common.

Casa Loma - Part 3

2009-01-25T15:00:00.000-05:00

Casa Loma is apparently the biggest house in Canada. But more importantly, it's the most superfluous (for lack of a better word) house I have ever seen, surpassing even the fictional homes in computer games I used to play that came with all the nonsense and doohickeys that designers had to throw in so that the levels would work.

The great hall with its mahagony fireplace. Why anyone would surround a fireplace with flammable materials and then hang a picture of himself right on top is beyond me.

This organ may not look like much (and indeed it isn't) but apparently it can make all sorts of sounds. The pipes and everything run all the way up to the third floor.

This is the library of someone who clearly has more books to display than he can read. The empty space beyond the pillars (with the piano) is actually the dining room. Sorry about the people in the shots. It was either this or I choose shots that had no people but had lousier angles, and I was advised that I shouldn't consider people to be "obstacles".

Far corner of the dining room.

The "conservatory", a room so atas I don't even know what it's supposed to "conserve", because as you can see, it's completely empty.

I didn't even realise until just now that this corridor has a name: the "Peacock Alley". You can't get more ostentatious than that even if you wanted to.

The oak room: furnishing smorgasbord for the very wealthy and atas.

The "smoking room". When you're ridiculously wealthy you need a room just for slowly killing yourself.

This is Sir Henry's study, a study so atas that it even comes complete with secret passageways (I'm not kidding) that lead to the basement and second floor.

Secret passageway leading to the basement.

Secret passageway to the second floor.

Casa Loma - Part 2

2009-01-25T14:31:00.000-05:00

Here is the exterior of Casa Loma. Sorry all the pictures look slanted. I don't know why that is. Maybe my camera was stuck on macro mode. All this damn modern technology is so user-unfriendly; I dunno how to use it.

Looks like the fountain has dried up.

The comparatively humble entrance.

Casa Loma - Part 1

2009-01-25T14:30:00.000-05:00

I had to scrap my plans to go to the zoo today (again dammit!) because I woke up late (again grr...). I needed to go somewhere which wouldn't take me the whole day, yet would take long enough to explore that I wouldn't be wasting the weekend. So off I went in search of Casa Loma, the former home of some guy who dreamt of living in a castle overlooking the city. As is often the case with these people who have grandiose and ostentatious dreams, said guy lost everything in the great depression, which is why it's now a tourist attraction instead of the home of some snobbish descendant.

Welcome to Dupont and Spadina, a laid back little neighbourhood not far from the city centre. I have to say I like this neighbourhood much more than Dufferin.

The Dupont Subway Station entrance from whence I emerged. Looks like the eye of some bumble bee to me.

A steel bridge which reminds me of some heavy prewar industrialisation scene.

The most avant-garde lamp post I have ever seen.

First glimpse of Casa Loma. It's that fairy-tale-looking thing peeking out from behind the trees.

The obligatory haunted house on the hill shot.

Reunion Dinner

2009-01-24T20:00:00.000-05:00

Because it is Chinese New Year, here I am reuniting with Singaporeans I've just met. The waitress here is the scariest I've ever encountered.

Lysol Disaster

2009-01-24T18:00:00.002-05:00

I decided to clean my bathroom today. Unfortunately, this bathroom floor, like typical hotel bathroom floors, doesn't have a grate into which water can drain. I really don't know why this is the case. Every time I step out of a hotel bathtub the floor will be flooded without fail.

So I couldn't just spray water all over the floor and then stuff all the rubbish into the drain, like how we used to do it in the army. Because of this I thought that my Lysol disinfectant would be perfect for the job, since the directions state that you need only spray it onto whatever surface you want to clean until "thoroughly wet", and then wipe it up. So I sprayed Lysol all over my bathroom floor and let it stand. But when I came back and tried to wipe it up, it wouldn't go away! I kept wiping and wiping with my sponge but to no avail; all it did was create more and more soap suds! Finally after about half an hour of this I gave up and decided to just let the whole thing evaporate and see what happened. Well, nothing much happened other than that I can now clearly feel dried up soap on my floor and MY WHOLE ROOM STINKS OF THE DAMN LYSOL!!! I HATE YOU LYSOL!!!

Royal Ontario Museum - Part 9

2009-01-23T20:08:00.006-05:00

And finally, which Canadian museum would be complete without the obligatory section on aboriginal peoples? Because as we all know, the best way to express goodwill towards oppressed peoples is to move their cultural treasures far away from their lands.

Highest rung on the totem pole.

Lowest rung on the totem pole.

Somewhere in the middle of the totem pole.
Remember those ugly things at the Museum subway station? I have found the original! And it really is slanted in real life!

The biggest damn canoe I have ever seen.

Royal Ontario Museum - Part 8

2009-01-23T20:07:00.000-05:00

I don't know why but apparently the museum sees fit to dedicate several hundred square feet of downtown real estate to rocks and things when these are the very things that people have to pay good money to remove from building sites.

I've spent my whole life trying to avoid these damned things at those Chinese stone shops in Singapore only to come here and find that the museum has loads of them.

Something called a desert rose. Looks like a big tumour to me.

The most useless sheet of copper in the universe - takes up so much space and they can't get rid of it just because some people find it "spectacular".

Something called a "Gogotte", a.k.a. the Michelin Man. Coincidentally, it actually comes from France.

One of the few things I actually found alluring: real meteorites. They have a strange sheen that really looks alien.

Something from the private collection of a guy who clearly has more money than he knows how to spend wisely.

Royal Ontario Museum - Part 7

2009-01-23T20:06:00.002-05:00

Oversized birds.

Way. Too. Many. Birds.

Royal Ontario Museum - Part 6

2009-01-23T20:05:00.000-05:00

Dinosaurs!

A something-saurus that's too big to fit in my camera.

A T-Rex that's not too happy...

... about the stick up its butt.

Dead fish.

Dead bird.

Dead turtle.

The world's first armoured bank truck. Used by Fred Flintstone.

Jurassic bargain bin.

Jurassic buffet.

Something that died trying to pick its nose.

Royal Ontario Museum - Part 5

2009-01-23T20:04:00.001-05:00

Bugs!!!

Royal Ontario Museum - Part 4

2009-01-23T20:03:00.003-05:00

I thought the European collection was the most interesting. There were many rooms that traced the history of European style through the medieval and renaissance and all the other periods with fancy names that I can't friggin' remember, each room representing a typical room in houses from a certain period. Alas, the lighting in there was not conducive to photography; all I got was a bunch of black masses. This is what little I managed to get:

The hardest plate in the world to eat off.

A "regency tent room", whatever that is. The only picture of a room I took that isn't just a black void.

European guys also looking for Frodo.

More motorcycle helmets.

The absolute finest in letter-opening technology.

To be used on children (or anyone else) who have been really naughty.

Singapore army equipment.

WWI era machine gun, can also be used on naughty children.

Royal Ontario Museum - Part 3

2009-01-23T20:02:00.001-05:00

Ah, the Greeks, that great ancient civilisation that gave us nude sport and names like Testicles (pronounced tes-tee-cleese)*.

Popsicle-inspired letter openers.

The finest in Greek motorcycle helmet technology.

Methinks the ancient Greeks had some serious issues.

If this is what ancient Greek 'nads looked like, then it might account for their... artistic tendencies.

Deformed butts.

Ancient Greek public service project warning citizens to wear their helmets.
* Just so you know, I ripped that joke off Whose Line is it Anyway (season 1 episode 11). If you're Greek and offended, you need to look for Drew Carey and Company.

Royal Ontario Museum - Part 2

2009-01-23T20:01:00.004-05:00

The ROM has different sections for all sorts of stuff. This is from their Egyptian collection, which unfortunately still has a little bit to do *sarcasm* to catch up to the Egyptian Museum in Cairo (which unfortunately I saw while on package tour and so we were rushed off to a tourist trap in order that we could be duped into exchanging vast sums of money for worthless papyrus scrolls after spending only a few measly minutes looking at the vast wealth of treasures within). Yes, my life has been very unfortunate.

Ancient Egyptian demonstration on how to levitate a woman.

The ravishing beauty that is the assistant.

Some things deciding to recognise my supreme power.

Statue of dog.

Animal mummies and dirt on museum glass pane.

Ancient Egyptian letter opener and back scratcher.

Royal Ontario Museum - Part 1

2009-01-23T20:00:00.002-05:00

I had originally planned to go to the zoo today, but I woke up late and decided to go to the museum instead since it closes at 9.30 pm on Fridays.

This is the Royal Ontario Museum, home to all things weird and passé. It's also huge - much bigger than it looks from the outside. I spent 5 hours walking nonstop just to pass by every exhibit inside.

Some things that caught my eye and made me pause for pictures:

Real human head with real bad hairstyle.
And just so you know I'm not shitting you:

Jumanji merchandise.

What passes for art these days.

The guys who were looking for Frodo.

Bank Account Manager Emails

2009-01-23T13:30:00.003-05:00

Remember my bank review? If you didn't read it, essentially I said that RBC offers good service. Well a couple of days ago I received an unexpected email from my RBC account manager which I decided to reply to:

Jan 21

Hi Shawn,

I am just writing to follow up on our appointment and to make sure that you received your client card in the mail.

Let me know if you did. And if you have any questions feel free to contact me. Hope you're enjoying your stay so far!

Take care.

Jan 21

Hello [XXX],

Yes I've received it, thank you very much! You wouldn't need the old one back by any chance would you?

I must say that I've been quite impressed with the service I've encountered at RBC so far, which is by far and away more than I can say for some other banks. Hope it stays that way!

Regards,
Shawn Ting

P.S. this really has got nothing to do with my banking whatsoever, but since you asked, yes I'm enjoying my stay, but alas I haven't been able to find the good food in Toronto so far. Everything I've tried so far has either been a fail or a borderline edible. You wouldn't happen to know any authoritative Torontian food guides would you?

Jan 23

Hi Shawn,

I apologize for the delay in getting back to you!

You can destroy your old card. Just cut it up. It deactivates once the new one is used . I'm glad your experience with RBC has been a positive one, and I shall most definitely make sure that it stays that way!

As for food, there are a lot of pretty good places around Chestnut, it depends on what you want to eat. Two of my personal favorites are Garden for Chinese food (416-596-0818) and Biryani House for Indian food (416-340-1254). There's also a nice Mediterranean place right next to our branch that sells good Chicken Shawrmas. All these are right on Dundas. A few other places that are not bad are further up on Dundas (at Bay) It's called Chopsticks. And then Green Mango it's a really good Thai food place on Yonge street (http://www.greenmango.ca). There's also Salad King (really good Thai food) on Yonge near Dundas (http://www.saladking.com/home.html)

I could go on....(I love to eat!!) but I'm sure that's a lot already!! You should also check out this website www.toronto.com There's a link on there called Winterlicious. What that is, is all the fine dining restaurants have lunch and dinner specials. So you can have a fine meal for $15-30 dollars. They list the restaurants and their menus. You do have to book in advance. There's also a lot of info on the site about fun things to do in Toronto.

Lemme know if there's anything else you need. Or if you have any questions. And if you do go to Garden and you're not allergic to shrimp, you should try the spicy shrimp! Or Spicy chili chicken!

Have a great weekend!

People say I am impossible to satisfy. What nonsense they spew! I am perfectly satisfied with the service I've received from RBC so far. People who think I'm overly demanding need to wake up and realise that there is such a thing in this world called "standards". Don't be lazy you useless bums!

Subway Not Working!

2009-01-22T13:00:00.002-05:00

I want to complain! Today I was grievously inconvenienced when I arrived at the subway station outside school only to find that the subway service was suspended! Apparently some guy thought that it would be funny to shoot one of his friends on a subway platform right in the middle of downtown. Well not so mon frere!

Because of you, the police came and shut the whole stretch down, so I had to go up to the street level and wait for the shuttle bus in the freezing cold. The damn thing took eons to arrive and when it finally presented its stinking carcass, it was FULL! So I decided to walk to another subway station and make my way back by another line. But for some reason that damn station is deliberately and insidiously kept hidden from passers-by and there are NO SIGNS on the ground level to indicate any sort of facility below.

So through no fault of my own I overshot and entered the subway station further down the street without realising it. And because of that I took the train one stop further than I should have. I only realised it after I'd spent ages in the wrong station wondering why I couldn't find a train to transfer to. By the time I took the train back to the correct stop, transferred to the train that goes back to my residence and dragged myself back, one hour had passed. ONE HOUR!!! For a journey that usually takes fifteen minutes!

Has anybody seen this guy?
Still image captured from CCTV footage released by Toronto police.

Falconer Hall is Falling Down

2009-01-22T12:00:00.001-05:00

Some of you might recall that this is my very atas "solarium" classroom. I arrived this morning to find it in this state. There was even a piece of ceiling that fell off during the lesson! This is why I say we should bulldoze all the old buildings before they get really old and people start arguing for their conservation because then we really won't be able to bulldoze them.

Cheap Sleeping Pants

2009-01-21T20:30:00.002-05:00

I'm also very pleased with myself for having purchased... a $2.50 pair of pants for sleeping! They're ginormous though; I think they're XXL! But who cares? They're $2.50 and they're warm! It can get quite cold here at night despite my comfy blanket.

Sorry about the blur picture. It's not easy trying to take a picture of oneself in the mirror while holding up a pair of oversized pants.

Cheap Cashmere Scarf!

2009-01-21T19:00:00.000-05:00

I am so pleased with myself. I have purchased a 100% cashmere scarf for the mere price of Cad$53.34 including taxes! The nearest thing to this I have seen is that three-hundred-dollar scarf at Harry Rosen. Sure, this one doesn't feel quite as good, but it's not too shabby, and it's solid black, which is very useful because I can wear it with anything! It's even almost branded - it's from Armani Exchange! I love the ridiculous discounts here; they have further reductions on top of already reduced items! The retail scene must be in the doldrums. But who cares? As long as I can continue to find cheap bargains mwahahaha.

Korean Restaurant Review

2009-01-21T18:00:00.005-05:00

Unable to stomach the "food" (and here I use the word in its broadest possible sense) being served by my residence any longer, today I set off to try one of the places that Regina helped me discover by scouring Japanese food blogs. There seem to be more Japanese food blogs on Toronto food than there are Torontonian food blogs, the latter number of which is to the best of my knowledge zero. Unfortunately, I am unable to read Japanese and so am unable to do much research on my own.

But I digress. Today's destination was the San Korean Restaurant, which I soon discovered was actually something more of half a bar. Unfortunately, it was 5pm in winter so it was dark, and the lighting inside was supposed to create some sort of mood I think (although I dunno what exactly) so my pictures are somewhat unflattering. To be fair, the place looks about 50% better in real life.

During my entire visit, I was the only person there other than a homeless guy who came in and descended to the basement twice; the second time he stayed past my departure. For some reason the lady boss looked really nervous the entire time I was there, like she was afraid that I'd spit out the food and say it was disgusting.

I ordered the seafood pancake to start and the bibimbap for my main.

Soup with appetisers.

Korean seafood pancake!

Bibimbap with beef.

I dunno why but the warm water here comes with what looks like some very atas burnt rice.
Results:

Soup - pass
Beansprouts - pass
Kimchi - pass
Potatoes - pass
Seafood pancake - pass
Bibimbap - see below

Unfortunately it only occurred to me after the bibimbap arrived that I am not a fan of bibimbap at all! (There's genius for you.) For that reason I'm not passing judgment on this bibimbap. I didn't think it was all that good, but that could just be my subjective bias speaking. I did finish the whole thing, if that says anything. Suffice to say that it won't stop me from going back, but I won't be ordering it again. I did like the egg though; it was done really well.

The rest of the food was decent enough. I think the lady boss was somewhat nonplussed by the fact that I'd managed to finish the soup and the appetisers, including the pancake, before the bibimbap arrived. I was pleasantly surprised when she took the initiative to ask whether I wanted anymore of the small appetisers. Maybe I'd somehow misled her into believing that I was some government health inspector or the like with all my photo taking.

At the end of it I was given a cinnamon drink which was actually pretty darned good! It had just the right amount of flavour and sweetness and felt refreshing too.

Overall the service was good. I really liked that when I paid, the lady boss didn't assume that the balance was her tip; she gave me change for the full amount and left me to decide how much of that I wanted to leave. This has unfortunately not been my experience in other establishments here.

Total cost: Cad$16.84 including taxes, not including tips (extra appetisers and the cinnamon drink - no charge).

Interim School Building Update

2009-01-21T09:00:00.001-05:00

Just FYI, I thought I'd share this couple of not-all-that-nice pictures of the two Law Faculty buildings which I took this morning. I don't think I've taken shots of them from these angles before.

Falconer Hall

Flavelle House

Cai Peng Review

2009-01-20T13:00:00.000-05:00

After the inauguration I decided to try out this cai peng that Barnabas has been telling me about. If I'm not wrong it's located in what is the "Queen Street Market". I hope I got the name right because this place seems to go by other names as well, and there are apparently numerous disputes over and tenants moving out of it that I don't know what's what anymore. Just know that it's a really run-down ramshackle place that has seen better days.

The concept at this stall is: you pay a set amount depending on the size of a polystyrene container that you choose (there are three sizes), and you can pack as much food inside as will fit. They call it a "buffet". While I was there I seemed to be the only one who wasn't trying to compress as much meat as was physically possible into the container.

Clearly, my packing skills are unrivalled.
I went for the medium-sized container as it was the same size as the standard one in Singapore.

The cost: Cad$6 before taxes. ($6.77 with taxes)

The results:

Spring roll - tastes of disinfectant.
Char siew (roast pork) - too salty, some pieces were too hard.
Broccoli - edible
Dao gei (beansprouts) - edible
Noodles and guo tiao - interesting; bland-ish sort of western taste.
Fried rice - fail
Lemon chicken - pass
Sweet and sour pork - pass
Crisy pork in BBQ sauce - fail; burnt.

Overall, not something I'd pay Cad$6 for again.

Obama-infatuated Canadians

2009-01-20T12:00:00.000-05:00

The big news today: Obama's inauguration. Canadians are in love with the guy. All the newspapers and news channels and people on the street were talking about him. Our professor ended class early so that we could all dash over to the lecture theatre where they were showing a live broadcast of his swearing-in and speech. When he was sworn in and when he finished his speech, everyone was clapping and cheering. They even broadcasted the ceremony in the library, with sound no less. When the Star-Spangled Banner played, I heard a couple of Canadians remark that that was the last time they would ever hear it in the library.

The packed lecture theatre into which I squeezed to watch history in the making.

Snow Complaint

2009-01-19T23:59:00.001-05:00

Nothing much to report today other than that it's been snowing nonstop for two whole days and the whole city is buried in snow. Everywhere I go I have to step in the disgusting slush and my shoes get all wet and dirty and snow falls on my bag and my gloves and my jacket and jeans and makes them dirty. Luckily, those Timberland (loafers, of all things) that I brought over with me (which cost me a bomb, how stupid of me, I should have waited till they went on sale) are really waterproof so they keep my feet dry. Which just goes to show you get what you pay for. Alas, I do not practise what I preach because I have been buying nothing but cheap stuff mwahaha!

Video Update

2009-01-19T23:00:00.000-05:00

I finally got the stupid video I posted eons ago to work. Click here to see it. It's the one about people protesting against the Israeli invasion of Gaza.

High Park - Part 2

2009-01-18T15:01:00.000-05:00

Frozen marsh. This is where the stream meets...

... giant frozen pond.
Apologies for not getting better pictures of the pond. The ice was visibly not very thick and I didn't particularly feel like risking my life for a few measly photographs.

Every damn thing is frozen here. I hope this isn't the pipe that carries the sewage from my bathroom.

Lawsuit waiting to happen.

Big bush.

Small bush.

Not-so-good bush.

Some random structures.

Small fountain doing its best to disguise itself as a snowpit.

Crazy woman who stood in the snow too long and got frozen.

High Park - Part 1

2009-01-18T15:00:00.002-05:00

Off to High Park today, the Torontonian equivalent of Central Park, except that it's nowhere central.

It had been snowing non-stop for a day and the entire park was blanketed in snow. Here you can see the West Ravine Nature Trail:

Only very intelligent and sexy people can see the path.

This path has been made visible to all beings rated village idiot and above. If you are unable to see it then please dial 1-800-I-am-Osama-please-shoot-me-now to remove your deleterious genes from the gene pool.
This was pretty much the scenery for the entire afternoon:

Ducks!!!

Lots and lots of ducks!!!

The stream is slowly freezing! Where will the little duckies swim next?
Here's a video I took of the ducks:

Click here to watch in high quality (takes quite a while to load).

Extreme Ironing

2009-01-17T23:59:00.003-05:00

Today I ironed my first thing ever: a cotton pillowcase. Unfortunately it still looks like shit and the only improvement-to-anything I achieved today was to learn that ironing is the hardest thing in the world. It's so difficult to get all the creases and wrinkles out and even if you do manage that (which I didn't), you still must contend with the NEW creases which you may create (which I did) if you even just pinch the cloth a bit. After that experience, it was easy convincing myself that the rest of my clothing didn't really need to be ironed. Luckily my iron only cost ten bucks, although I was really afraid that the steam it was releasing might set off the smoke detector in my room.

Other Law Exchange Students

2009-01-16T23:59:00.005-05:00

No class today. I finally got my ass to the gym. Barnabas and I went to meet some of the other students from other universities who are on exchange to the University of Toronto Faculty of Law (goodness what a mouthful).

Here we are after a dim sum lunch at the Forestview Chinese Restaurant. No comments about the food or the fact that the waitresses seem only to speak some alien tongue.
As you can see from the picture the biggest crisis facing the world today was my hair, which was ignominiously misshapen as I had had no time to fix it properly before leaving my room due to the fact that I was running late. It would get worse as the day wore on and I put on and took off my tuque and hood.

After lunch we moved to a quaint little coffee place. Unfortunately the journey there was anything but a charming stroll down some handsome boulevard. Everything was covered in snow and the cold was absolutely unbearable. But luckily no one (most importantly me) froze to death on the way to...

... the Moonbeam Coffee Company. I have no idea why "Moonbeam" and I'm too lazy to think of some smart-alec quip right now so you're on your own today.

Here is the mochaccino for which I paid four bucks (might have been less I don't remember).

And this is me with my hair looking embarrassingly effeminate by now.
To cut a long story short, we left, tempted hypothermia once more, made our way to one of the guys' apartment (I have no idea whether that was correct grammar but it's the best I can come up with) where we watched that new Seven Pounds movie. It was too long by far - for over an hour I was wishing it would hurry up and end. Dinner was at some Korean-cum-Japanese place where my Teriyaki chicken was way overcooked and hard as stones and the rice brought to mind the contents of a cow's digestive system. After that the more intrepid members of our party sallied forth in search of some place to boogie the night away while I, not tending to find alcohol or the places that serve it very interesting, decided to head back in the -14 degree cold.

2009-01-15T23:59:00.000-05:00

Nothing much to report today, other than that my new hood is serving me well. However in order to be even warmer I have bought a tuque from H&M in which I look ridiculous, and a pair of gloves from FCUK that I found myself strangely very attracted to. One look at them and I thought "black widow".

Unfortunately they don't look so nice in this picture because (1) my room has really bad lighting and (2) they've gotten a bit dirty in the snow. But otherwise I think they do go quite well with my jacket, and they were half off! Cad$20 for this fine pair of leather and suede gloves that, together with my hood and my bag, makes me look like a bank robber when I'm walking around.

Also here are some pictures I took over the last couple of days:

Emmanuel College, right across the road from the Law Faculty.

Again, the haunted house that is Falconer Hall, this time in its entirety.

The entrance hall of Flavelle House.

The "Rowell Room", the "original solarium" of "Flavelle House", now a "student-faculty lounge" which you can find directly on your left as soon as you enter the building. Every damn thing here has an atas name.

2009-01-14T18:30:00.007-05:00

Today was the coldest yet. Fortunately I was well-prepared so it didn't feel all that cold. I'd put on so many layers that I was perspiring indoors. The fleece jacket with a hood that Regina gave me was a lifesaver. It kept out the cold and the wind and made up for my lack of a headdress.

I scoured the shops today for a hat and scarf but couldn't find anything suitable. The scarves either felt like newspaper or were just too expensive. I saw this cashmere scarf at some store called Harry Rosen going for 300 bucks. No way I'm paying that much for a piece of cloth. I might consider the wool ones though; those are only Cad$100+. And as for the hats, well I just look silly in winter hats, especially the tuques that everybody here seems to be wearing. Those I didn't look so silly in were designed more for aesthetics than warmth, like the one at Armani Exchange which was actually quite cheap (can't remember the price sorry) and another one at some random outdoor apparel store.

On my way I saw some cute birds trying to keep warm by sitting on the sidewalk vent. Don't know whether they'd somehow puffed themselves up or whether they were really that fat.

Fat pigeons!!!
In the end I bought a hood that can cover my neck, face and head. Solves my lack of scarf and hat in one stroke! Here is my hood:

Also it seems that there are no cheap webcams around here dammit. I went to Best Buy to look for a webcam and microphone so that I might exploit the free international telephony service that is the internet, but alas, the cheapest one they sell goes for about Cad$50. No way I'm paying that much to upload my ugly pockmarked face for the world to see!

Wednesday Morning Commute

2009-01-14T08:00:00.001-05:00

One layer of long johns, one t-shirt, two pullovers, one fleece jacket, one down jacket, and it's actually pretty warm!

Ooh Shit

2009-01-13T23:59:00.001-05:00

Smoking in the Damn Residence

2009-01-13T21:00:00.004-05:00

Over the last few days I've been detecting the stench of cigarette smoke emanating from the ventilation duct in my bathroom with increasing frequency. At first I would catch faint whiffs while I was showering or answering the call of nature. But last night it got to the point where I could smell it from the far end of my room. So I sent an email to the dean asking if she would please send someone to investigate. And this morning she called me to follow up. Apparently it's a malaise that they've been trying to fight year after year. Finally she told me to call the staff on duty if I smelled smoke so that they could inspect the nearby rooms. On hearing this I was all excited and ready to help catch the son of a bitch responsible. But this evening when I came back my whole room reeked of cigarette smoke and I didn't want to die so I went down to the front desk and requested that they tape up the vent in my bathroom. To my surprise they did it immediately, while I was having dinner. And when I came back I found that they'd done it in the neatest manner ever LOL.

2009-01-12T16:00:00.008-05:00

On the way back from Wal-Mart I decided to stop by Bloor Street for some shopping at establishments that I'm more accustomed to. Of course I ended up with nothing because I look really silly in winter hats. I did however take some more photos along the way.

Welcome to the Royal Ontario Museum, which, if you have been paying attention, will know is right beside my school. I apologise about the number of trees blocking the view in these pictures. They're just everywhere and I can't get around them to take my shots.

As you can clearly see in these pictures, the aliens have made this one of their strongholds and have modified the building to suit their needs by means of some viral mechanism. You can see their shard-like infestations protruding from parts of this once-regal building. Or it could just be a work of art that's named the Michael Lee-Chin crystal, after a black guy of the same name who donated lots of money to its construction; I have no idea.

If you enlarge the next photo you can clearly see that carved onto the front of the building are the words "Department of Household Science". What that is is a mystery to me. Why the words are there is a bigger mystery, for inside that building resides Club Monaco, where the sales assistants ignore me and where the scarves cost upwards of a hundred bucks a pop.

Yet another picture of the great phallus, this time looking south down Avenue Road:

Aha! I finally managed to capture a shot of the concave side of a snow plough blade:

And finally, some ancient-looking church that sits on the corner opposite the Museum. It's been completely surrounded by some large modern building.

Walmart Report

2009-01-12T16:00:00.000-05:00

This is Dufferin, a sleepy little neighbourhood in the City of Toronto.

Ok actually it's not sleepy at all; I just thought that the phrase "sleepy little neighbourhood" had a nice ring to it. So there we are. But it was very cold, as is all of Toronto.

And here we have Dufferin Mall, home to Wal-Mart.

I am pleased to report after spending several hours combing this entire mall that there is absolutely nothing to buy in this big-box retail establishment. I didn't think that the stuff in Wal-Mart was that cheap, compared to the same items that were being sold in the city centre. It was either that or the merchandise was of inferior quality. *shudders*

The scene in Dufferin is also quite different compared to that in the city centre. I had to change subway lines to get there and when I got onto the train that serves the Dufferin station, it was like walking into a different world. The people on board and in Dufferin itself were clearly much less well-to-do than those who frequent the city centre. Their clothes were not as nice and their mannerisms not as gentrified. Sorry Dufferin residents, nothing against you! That's just my bona fide observation.

Snapping Pictures in the Snow - Part 2

2009-01-12T10:30:00.000-05:00

There was a little... rodent... of sorts scurrying around while I was taking pictures. It proved highly difficult to capture on film as it seemed to be highly suspicious of my camera and scurried away with great speed when I pointed my camera at it. I took six pictures of it and this is the best one, so here:

There seem to be quite a number of these things in Toronto. I frequently see them running around outside the dining area of my residence during breakfast. Don't know why they're running around though. It's not like there's anything but cigarette butts to unearth from the snow.

Here is another shot of the bulbous UFO that landed just beside my school:

The pile of snow in front of the Law School just keeps growing and growing. There's nowhere to put all the snow!!! We're going to drown in snow one day.

Snapping Pictures in the Snow

2009-01-12T10:00:00.003-05:00

I had class early this morning and when I was done the fresh snow was still relatively undisturbed. So off I went to take more pictures while Canadians scurried to get indoors.

This is what I had to go through to take these pictures, behind the law school library:

And here are the fruits of my labour. The brown building is actually the same Russian-looking thing that I shot on the first day of school, which I have since discovered is Trinity College, whatever that is.

Here is Flavelle House looking like some Roman villa. You can see the old part with the colonnade and the new extension on the right of the pictures. The building on the left with the orange top part is the School of Music if I'm not very much mistaken.

I apologise for the visual diarrhoea. I couldn't decide which of these to exclude. (Yes, I actually took many more).

Meeting Other Singaporeans

2009-01-11T22:00:00.001-05:00

Today I met some of the other Singaporeans on exchange to Toronto. They seem like a nice enough bunch. Don't think I'll be seeing much more of them though. We went for a little walk through the city. Didn't see anything particularly interesting. I did take a few shots though.

A "small" snow plough for clearing the pavements.

100 Yonge Street. It looks like a building that's been built over and around but actually they merely saved the facade of the old Fairweather store.

The snow that's settled on some of the ledges looks like fine-grained salt.

Toronto-Dominion Centre.
Edit: Finally, Barnabas has gotten off his arse to send me this picture, so here it is - the first photo of me in Toronto.

New York Fries Review

2009-01-10T17:00:00.000-05:00

Today I bring you a review of New York Fries, that unmistakably quintessential Canadian fast food chain.

Apologies for the lousy food photography. I'm not into the whole food blogging thing.
I was walking around feeling slightly hungry, when I spied this eatery which seemed to enjoy considerable local patronage. So I ordered "The Works", which is basically their version of the Singapore KFC cheese fries. The result was the most tasteless agglomeration of grease and fat and cheese and sour cream and bacon and spring onions I have ever tasted. I don't know how something with so many ingredients can taste so bland, but this dish managed that. Maybe all the ingredients balance each other out perfectly to the point that together they taste like nothing at all. And all this for Cad$5. To be fair, their signature dish (which I didn't know at the time) is supposed to be something else called the "Poutine". And I did order this from the more obscure outlet in Eaton Centre (in which there are two outlets). Perhaps the signature dish from the main outlet in Eaton Centre would taste better.

2009-01-09T23:59:00.000-05:00

First, the view from my room:

And no, I don't know what the net is for. All I know is it's obscuring my already very obscured view.
I finally met the other Toronto exchange student from NUS Law Faculty yesterday and he has relieved me of the items I brought over from Singapore for him. As I have not obtained permission to publish his identity and/or entire life story including his deepest darkest secrets involving some hot gypsies, I shall refer to him by the name "Barnabas". Here are some pictures I took while exploring the city today:

Still can't get a good shot of Old City Hall.

Intersection of University Avenue and Queen Street. You can see the Grand Toronto Phallus and another, subsidiary phallus spewing smoke.

This is Campbell House, which apparently has a very long and rich history that I'm too lazy to read, so go find out for yourself.

Looking eastward along Queen Street. There's a hodgepodge of shops along here which together with a couple of other streets makes up virtually all of Toronto's shopping district. Whoopee.

I found this tree interesting because it was all decked out in autumn regalia in the deep of winter. I've also just found out that this tree can actually be seen from Google Earth! Look for the mass of orange leaves closest to the intersection of Queen Street W and Soho Street (northwest corner).

Art Gallery of Ontario. Who would have thought that there's actually one building in this whole world that our Esplanade actually looks better than.

Some random houses near above-mentioned art gallery.

With nowhere to put them all, the piles of snow around Toronto are getting bigger and bigger. This one's larger than a car!

A shot of Chinatown itself.
Sorry for the lack of pictures despite having explored quite a large part of Toronto today. I was freezing and it gets dark here really early. On the bright side though, I have managed to come into possession of a pair of gloves that purport to be made from 3M's Thinsulate material for just 99 cents. So far everything cheap cheap. This I like.

Winter What-a-crock-of-shit-land

2009-01-08T12:00:00.000-05:00

Now, for no good reason whatsoever, a school bus I shot yesterday:

(click to enlarge)
Today it was freezing. Not literally of course. Literally, every day is below freezing over here. It actually gets warmer when it snows. But afterwards, when the snow melts and the air becomes wet, it feels like somebody has connected a hose directly into your body and is sucking all the body heat out.

I'm too lazy to decide which photos are worth storing in higher resolution so from now on all photos will be enlargeable. Some long overdue shots of the Law Faculty:

The entrance hall of Falconer Hall (pardon the pun).

One of three classrooms in Falconer Hall.

The second of three classrooms in Falconer Hall. There's actually a fireplace hidden behind the blackboard.

This is the "solarium", classroom to the very snobbish and pretentious i.e. me. It even comes complete with grand marble staircase. This is where I come to learn Canadian Migration Law.